i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
