Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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