Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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