I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
