Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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