Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We named our party play list daddy issues
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
