I bet he comes in French.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
