i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
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