I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
