After last night, I could never be a politician.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize