Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....