I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
