I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
