Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
