i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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