operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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