dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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