The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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