I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
