Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
