You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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