Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
