its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think I won the penis lottery.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
