so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
