I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
