he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
