I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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