Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
