I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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