One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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