it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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