How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
