Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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