You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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