i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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