no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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