If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
