It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
