i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
