Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
