I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
