Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
