it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
