I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
