I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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