And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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