im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
