my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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