I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
