i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
