I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i out mim tonsoeep
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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