What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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