dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
