I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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