I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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