Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
