And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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