I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
