I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize