Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
