Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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