The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
