Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
