My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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