the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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