Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
how does that bad decision feel?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
