he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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