READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
