I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
